Lucynda Storey-Erotic Romance Writer

I’ve been the one known to find the silver lining, make lemonade from life’s lemons, find the positive when it doesn’t seem there is anything positive that can come from a situation at all.

Yep, that’s me, Little Miss Sunshine.

Maybe when you’re 50+ you’re not supposed to be Little Miss Sunshine any more.  Maybe you really are supposed to slice up your lemons and toss a dash of salt on them before you suck out the juice; maybe all you really are supposed to see in those storm clouds is the rain, not the rainbow and certainly not the silver lining.

Yet….

Well, I have been doing it for fifty some years and it’s a habit not easily broken.  Today, I have to say that is a very good thing.

My dad is in rehab, a thousand miles or so away.  I spent eightteen days with him while he went from being a serious case in intensive care to being able walk and get out of chairs on his own at rehab.

Wow.

I didn’t understand at the time why.  I don’t think you ever really do understand the why of people you care for geting sick and eventually dying.  But I do see the lessons learned, the lemonade that comes from the experience.

It has prepared me.

For what?

For helping me pre-prepare for my own eventual demise.  For helping me help others when they get caught by life circumstances unexpectedly.  For helping me be empathetic and not just sympathetic.

These opportunities come about in the oddest of ways.  An email I received where an acquaintance has suddenly had to cope with a parent in hospice; small bits of wisdom I can share because I’ve been in those shoes now.  A more receptive and willing heart when someone asks, “Please, can you spare me some time? I’m about to go crazy.”  Understanding why the tears burn down my cheeks and I didn’t realize I had a reason to cry.   Accepting that death is scary, but living without the fear of it anyway.  Replacing that fear with love.

Caregiving is the purest form of love.  The most valuable gift you can give anyone is the gift of your time (thanks Murray).

Caregiving has limits too.  Thank you to the National Family Caregivers Association and thank you to Suzanne Geffen Mintz who wrote A Family Caregiver Speaks Up.  Thank you also for the bookmark with the simple tips for family caregivers, paraphrased as follows:

1.  Reward yourself with respite breaks often.  You cannot give care to anyone 24/7 without a break.  Find someone you can tag-team with to give you that time off.

2.  Watch for signs of depression in yourself.  Unexpected crying, unexpected changes in your eating or sleeping or alchohol habits.

3.  Accept the gift of help from others and give them specific ways in which to help.

4.  Educate yourself about their condition and how to communicate effectively with doctors.

5.  Be open to new ideas and technologies that could help with your loved one’s condition.

6.  Trust your instincts.

7.  Be gentle on your body, especially your back.

8.  Allow yourself to grieve for what was, what won’t be,  and your impending loss.  Then dream again, set goals for yourself and celebrate the good.

9. Seek support from others in a similar situation.  You have much in common and you are not alone.

10. Stand up for your rights as a caregiver and citizen.  You give up a lot when you are in this position, the person you are caring for does too.  Be educated about the financial responsibilities of the person you care for as well as the cost of getting them professional care past what you are able to give.  This was perhaps the hardest lesson I learned.

Lastly, remember that other members of your family will not necessarily react the same as you do.  They won’t always agree, maybe never agree.  Each person in your family will react differently to the caregiving situation.  Be prepared.  You may have some family members back off entirely because they want to remember someone “as they were” and not as they are now.

While you are healthy, while the elders in your family are healthy, have this chat.  Know what their wishes are regarding a Living Will and a Health Surrogate (who will speak for them when they are unable to speak for themselves?).  Determine in advance who will eventually be responsible for the durable power of attorney (long before anyone gets ill!).

And remember, remember, remember…You Are Not Alone, as alone as you might feel.

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 18th, 2009 at 12:22 pm and is filed under Uncategorized, Lucynda Storey, Health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.