Getting Ahead
It has recently occurred to me that a lot of people shoot themselves in the foot by shooting off their mouths. In the age of the Internet where everything can be copied, pasted, and forwarded, it seems ill advised to be particularly nasty about a given subject without having taken appropriate, professional steps to resolve any question, error or other difficulty.
Courtesy is free. Courtesy will make you a friend and champion far faster than snarky, nastiness will. There’s a saying that you will catch more flies with honey than vinegar. I’ve seen it be the case in the electronic world.
People who are nasty are avoided. What does a little kindness and politeness really cost? It doens’t mean being a doormat, it doesn’t mean you can’t have an opinion; it means you state your concerns with tact and decorum.
Being strong isn’t about being a bully. Getting ahead isn’t about pushing people out of your way.
I’d rather be honey.
December 7th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
One of the other interesting things people fail to consider with regard to things they post or emails they send is that they have the potential to live FOREVER. With search engine caching and whatnot, even if you post something and later take it down, it can still be living in places you CANNOT delete it from. It can haunt you years later when looking for a job, looking for funding, even looking for a graduate school!
The other thing many people fail to consider is that people talk to each other, especially those in a subset group — like publishers. The person you are a pain to today may also be the person you’re trying to sell a book to but you just don’t know it. And word travels….
I much prefer to grouse around, blustering and ranting to myself for a bit, then turn around and be PROFESSIONAL to the public and the internet is VERY VERY public.
From the time I sold my very first book, my goal has been to be one of the nicest and easiest people to deal with ever. I don’t have diva fits, I don’t play snarking games, I realize the world is not about me. I think I write a damned good story but no amount of “good story” will make people deal with me if I’m a problem child.
I try to pay forward all the help and support I receive. I try to not to be nasty or dismissive of others, even if I have to give them news they don’t really want to hear.
One of the few things I CAN control in my life as an author is my OWN behavior. And control it I will!
December 7th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Ditto. If I wouldn’t have the drop-down-drag-out fight in front of my momma, I’m definitely not having it in front of ya’ll.
Maybe that’s what authors should ask themselves before they start writing snark. “Would I write this to my momma?” If the answer is no, shut your trap. Cause guaranteed, your intended recipient isn’t the only one reading your words.
December 7th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
One of the most important tools in online life is the DRAFT box. If someone stirs a reaction to write a tirade in response, the safest thing to do is to write it, get it out of your system, and then save it to your drafts. Let it sit for several hours. It’s amazing how when you get back to it most times you can’t even remember why you were so worked up and it never gets sent.
Email is such a difficult media. You have no emotional connection to anything but the words. You can’t see facial expressions or hear those funny inflections in speech. Sometimes you can’t tell if something is meant to be funny, sarcastic or mean. Sometimes people are just downright rude. Sometimes even the most innocent of messages can be misconstrued.
Cyn and Maura…you are so right…being professional, and friendly are so important. Just state the concerns, stay calm and above all, be polite.
It’s just common courtesy after all.
And I love that saying….I love honey!
December 7th, 2007 at 7:22 pm
Excellent post. I couldn’t agree more.
Some people don’t realize just how many people are reading what it being posted, and gossip travels a lot faster than the truth.
December 7th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
I always try to remember my mom and dad telling me to hold my temper and not stoop to the level of the person upsetting me by acting the same way. The worst part is, most folks don’t keep track of everything they put down in email, chat or on message boards and a tirade can get posted and reported again and again - sometimes with a few more words added in or take away.
Best advice is to believe nothing of what you hear (meaning gossip) and only half of what you see (think long and hard on what you read and see because it might not be what you assume at first blush).
Thankfully, the Internet allows us the opportunity to walk away from the people that aggravate us, it’s a shame more don’t take advantage of it.
December 8th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
I totally agree with you! I try to be nice and just try to grumble under my breath and know that karma will come back to bite them in the butt someday!